The London Diaries 5

The London Diaries – A survivors guide: The Umbrella Misfits.

The UMs and their reign of terror.

Couples should be cautious in public. Hence the derisive comment ‘Get a room’ used to make fun of pairs that are overly (and inappropriately) affectionate in public, in the hope of getting them to stop. We are talking about outrageous, almost obscene acts of hankering, the basest of all being ‘the hand hold’; it is no wonder why in some cultures hand holding is frowned upon while in others it is punishable by severance. Or is that stealing? I often confuse the two. In any case, it is safe to say that The Umbrella Misfits (a.k.a. UMs) were in the right to set the record straight in the Canary Wharf area against such couples guilty of offending public decency. The mysterious pair of Misfits were considered by some to be performing a service to society; why, they even had a fan base, followers, fellow singletons who could not stand the site of the uncivil behaviour of certain people. The UMs would hit, right in the middle of the hold with a sturdy, clear, bubble umbrella and run, run to the hilt; and yet reprimanded couple would never turn them in. It was because deep in their hearts they knew they were utterly provocative to display their happiness and endearment of one another to the world.
Thus the UMs were left to reign on the loose, keeping loved-up couples in line. And yet only two things were known about them: they were uber-hot, and they make the wickedest lasagne.