The last of the 20’s.

The 20's are for gaining experiences, says I.

A most curious transitional period beginning as an awkward young adult with an appetite to see the world and get a taste of life, until you actually do and then when it bites back you feel disillusioned, lost and shaky.

Looking back 9 years, I would describe the 20’s decade as follows:

Someone (Randomness) throws you into the Sea of Life when you only barely know how to swim, and have very little sense of direction. You have an imaginary first aid kit, complete with arm floats, a measly compass, a whistle, a couple of band aids and the advice of elders. If you are lucky, the current will be gentle and your arms will not tire. You hope the current is gentle. No, no, you almost believe it. You have to because you see no rescue boat or cruise ship in sight. So, there you are, amidst the waves, wandering and wondering, trying to figure out whether you spend your energy trying to become an expert swimmer, or searching for nearest land instead. And there in that moment of dilemma, does the fear start to sink in and the horrible question burns your mind: what about sea monsters lurking beneath the surface? What about hybrid shark-serpent creatures, and Moby Dick and Nessie prowling in the depths below? Panic attack, muscle cramp. Breathe. Close your eyes, recuperate your troops.

University, 2 degrees:  Skill set acquired.
3 jobs, 7 years away from home: Skill set enhanced.
Journeys to unknown lands, exposure to new cultures, meeting people of great value. Choices equates to Freedom. Making decisions. Right ones. Wrong ones. Receiving Love. Learning lessons.
Take another deep breath:  Life enriched.

And you still don’t know the answer to the dilemma. But at least in a flash of the 9 years past, you’ve gathered the wood-work needed to make an imaginary boat to get you cruising the big blue. And then, when you jump back it the depths, it will be willingly, and the dilemma of swim or shore will cease to exist.

So I have one year to build my imaginary boat.

Will it be all ‘smooth-sailing’ from then on? And if, for the sake of argument (and optimism) it is, will I not get bored? I guess I can always take a plunge in the monster-infested waters and curse the day I realize the monsters were only in my head.

No Time

'No time.' For something as perpetual as time, it's so contradictory to never have enough.

Time is one of the few perpetual notions that humans have identified as part of our own need to comprehend life. The universe, the world, our world, our existence is shaped around time. Antiphon the Sophist has said that "…time is not a reality (hypostasis), but a concept (noêma) or a measure (metron)"; a concept to help us bring a metric order to Chaos, with the general consensus relating to its introduction being after the Big Bang.
It is intangible, it is relentless, it only moves forward. The glory of the present moment only lasts for a fragment of time, and each moment is experienced for its brief existence, then it belongs in the past and a new present one takes it place. A continuous sequence of present moments, that creates its relative sequence of moments-of-gone, leaving a trail of events called ‘Past’ behind for the little Hansels and Grettels to find in the ‘Woods of Forever’.

The brevity of the life of the present moment is harsh; or convenient; I cannot decide. Or maybe I do not have to decide if I agree to accept that time is relative. Funny how time flies by when you’re in a state of elation, where one hour can seem like a minute; awful how it can also run slowly, when each tick is laden with torment when you’re experiencing a personal disaster, or when you feel you are dancing with the devil.

We are told that time heals; it acts as morphine, numbing your inside, emptying the mind, easing bad present moments that are now past ones, the past-er they become, the further away you hear the echo of the door being slammed in your face, the shattering of your broken heart, the wailing of your voice at that accident, or the regret in taking the wrong decision. Got to have the morphine. Gimme it.

But let’s suppose no one gives you the drug. Let’s suppose you have no choice but to surrender to the despair of a bad present moment instead of trying to tip toe over it, or brushing it under the carpet. Have you ever thought of the possible positive future outcome that can emanate from a presently obliterating miserable moment? Probably not often. Because it is common practice to want to be done with the bad moments that occur in your life span, instead of deliberately choosing to be immersed in a sea of woe that you cannot avoid anyway. If you view it as a way to find out your limitations, test your breaking points, to see your reactions and how you can better yourself, then perhaps it is worth choosing to explore. Deal with it, head on head. Face the fear in all its dark glory, and you can only be victorious as you will have learned something about yourself.
And time of course will not let you revel in misery for long. As soon as you start to enjoy a different more resilient side of you, the status quo will change and you are called to adapt to new circumstances again, paving the way of a healing process of vanquishing demons and spiritual deliverance as a cathartic rain begins to pour.

We will always have enough time if we know how to use it to our advantage. The universe will conspire to aid people who do not fear themselves, and who are willing to find out how deep the rabbit hole goes and if in fact they want to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or if it will just suffice for them to ride it and experience the magic of its colours.